Follow the Script
by Sushi Chi
Summary: Everyone asks how Puck and Kurt became an item, but they always get a different story. Puck/Kurt


**Disclaimer: I don't really own anything of this story. Not the characters, the plot was my housemate's idea and the stories used in this are not things I came up with. I just put it all together.  
A/N: I've had this written for a few days now and have been debating if it's good enough to be posted. I decided to go ahead and post it (clearly) and I hope you like it. And out of the movies mentioned, I have to say that I have only seen three of them and most of that was years ago so I don't remember the movies all that well.  
**

Puck blinked, glad that Kurt was standing protectively in front of him. Now, under normal circumstances, it would be Puck in the protective stance, but when up against Burt Hummel? Oh no, Kurt got that job. And Kurt was doing the job pretty well. His feet were spread a bit and arms crossed over his chest. Puck was standing behind Kurt's left shoulder trying to look small. It wasn't working too well.

"So." Burt started, eyes on Kurt, "This is your boyfriend."

"Yes, as I said." Kurt replied.

Burt's eyes flashed to Puck, "Couldn't you of gotten someone a bit more," he paused and tilted his head, "badass?"

Puck opened his mouth to protest that he was _very badass thankyouverymuch _but Kurt dropped his protective stance and gave a little laugh before turning and explaining to Puck, "The only things my Dad knows about you are that you're name is Noah Puckerman and go by Puck, you're in football and glee and you're badass."

Puck's eyebrows rose, "You told your dad that I was badass?"

Kurt shrugged, "Well, I figured if I didn't you'd tell him. You do tend to remind people." Puck shrugged, it was true.

Burt took a swig from his beer, "How'd you two get together?"

Puck really did not want to tell Burt how they got together, he wasn't looking forward to being kicked out of the house and who knows what else by a Protective Papa Bear Hummel. He was trying to think up a story when not a second after Burt asked, Kurt answered.

"We were at a Glee party," Kurt started with ease, "and Noah was having trouble with his dance moves and so he was sitting in a corner and nobody puts my baby in a corner so, I, ever the gentlemen, gave him an impromptu dance lesson. And, thankfully, it worked." Puck stared at Kurt wondering where this fake story came from, "I then started giving him dance lessons more often, and we got to know each other. The others didn't know the all the details to why were suddenly nice to each other now and then there was big dance-off in Glee and Noah and I danced together, as I had taught him everything he knows." Kurt grinned, "Ours was the best dance and when we were done the dance-off everyone was dancing as if the room was a night club."

Burt nodded even though that had sounded like the plot to a movie.

{{{|

Carole was surprised to see Puck over; as far as she knew, he and Finn hadn't been getting along too well. But then she saw him kiss Kurt, she decided that she needed to get to the bottom of this. She'd known Puck for a long time and she always approved of him, understood him. But she also knew what he did and had always let him know when she was disappointed in his actions.

Now, living with Kurt, she grew fond of her future step-son and she didn't want to see him get hurt. Which Puck would do whether he meant to or not. Now whatever Puck would do might not be that bad and make Kurt leave him, but Kurt would get hurt. Though she hoped that Puck cared about Kurt enough to only do stupid little things.

And Carole was sure that Puck wasn't the only one who'd mess up the relationship. Sure, she'd grown fond of Kurt but she knew that he was just as likely to hurt Puck.

In all actuality they'd hurt each other on the same day but hopefully care enough to fix it. And it was good that way, truthfully. A couple who never fought? Not healthy.

Clearing her throat, Carole smiled at the two as they gave her small smiles. "Mind if I ask how you two hooked up?"

Puck's eyes widened and he glanced at Kurt who very calmly put a hand on Puck's arm as his smile grew a bit, "Of course Carole. As you know, Noah was the stud of the school," Puck snorted, "okay, is the stud of the school." Kurt rolled his eyes, "At the time Puck was dating Santana who was equal in popularity but she broke it off with him because of his credit score and Noah said that she was replaceable. Another jock said that she was not so Noah claimed that he could make anyone into the next Prom Queen."

Carole cut him off, "Prom hasn't happened yet."

"He clearly meant the equivalent of Prom Queen." Kurt replied. "And of course I'm the gay kid who never had a boyfriend or any sort of love interest. Now some of the jocks thought it would be funny to make him a bet that he couldn't make me into the equivalent of Prom Queen."

Puck decided he should say something, even though he had no idea where the story was going, "I don't back down from bets."

Kurt nodded, "That's right. So Noah's first attempts at befriending me didn't go over well because I mean, he threw me in dumpsters. Eventually I let Noah past my guard and we became friends but then one of the jocks told me about the bet and I must say I was filled with such poignancy that Noah - who had grown to actually like me as a person - asked what happened. I of course yelled at him and he then explained that I had taught him some valuable lessons and he then asked if we could be more than friends. I agreed and here we are."

Burt, having been in the other room and listened in like any good father would do, thought that sounded like a movie Kurt had forced him to watch once.

{{{|

Burt had let Kurt be alone in his room with Brittany even though they had previously made out down there. He trusted Kurt to know that he didn't need to be someone he wasn't and he knew that his son wouldn't try anything. But it was getting late and she really needed to get home, so he was going down the stairs and he stopped when he heard his son laughing.

"Stop throwing popcorn, Britt."

"I'm trying to make some hit your nose." Brittany explained.

"Why?"

"Thought it'd be fun." Brittany answered. "So, Kurt. How are things with you and Puck. Is it easier than my thing with Santana?"

"Things are fine between us." Kurt had answered and Burt wished he could see them talk and read the body language but if he wanted to hear this he'd have to stay on the steps. "And I have no idea if it's easier than the thing between you and Santana." He paused, "I don't even know what that thing between you and Santana is."

"Me neither." Brittany sighed, "But I liked it." Giggling she continued, "How did you snag Puck anyway? And I mean you had to've snagged him like a fisherman does crabs because he hasn't been asking me or Santana for sex like with all his other girlfriends."

Burt was glad to hear that Puck wasn't sleeping around on his son and he thought about going down there but the two times he'd heard Kurt tell how he and Puck got together had been different and he was curious what version Brittany would get.

"Promise you won't tell anyone?" Kurt asked, voice quiet.

"Oh, promise." Brittany sounded excited.

After a pause Kurt launched into a tale, "No one knows this except my Dad and Puck. Not even Carole or Finn know." He cleared his throat, "My Dad and I? We're from the past. Dad is a rich duke, you see."

"What's a duke?" Brittany asked.

"A duke, dear Brittany, is a high ranking nobleman. Kinda like a prince but not as powerful."

"Oh, okay." Brittany said.

"So, we're from the past and when we first showed up we were both very confused because we came from the 1800's and back then we didn't even have elevators or television!" Brittany gasped, "Noah is the first one who found us and helped us get on our feet and understand this new world we found ourselves in. We became somewhat good friends - very good at the friendly arguing."

"Is that what that always was?" Brittany asked.

"Sure, why not?" Kurt paused then continued his tale, "After a certain amount of time my Dad found a way for us to go back home-"

"I don't want you to leave!" Brittany pleaded, "We have elevators here. Stay with us."

"Hush, Britt." Kurt said in a soothing tone, "Just let me finish, will you?" After another pause where Brittany probably nodded, Kurt continued, "We told Noah when we'd be able to leave and when we were ready to go, he showed up and told me he loved me and wanted me to stay. Now though we both miss the 1800's we decided to stay here. I had Noah and Dad had found Carole."

"M'glad you're here." Brittany said as Burt decided to make an appearance. He wasn't surprised to see her hugging Kurt, happy that her friend hadn't returned to the past.

"Brittany, it's late. You mom wanted you home soon." Burt said.

"Okey dokey." Brittany got up and waved to Kurt before leaving.

When Burt heard the door close and Brittany's car start, he looked at his son, "She's known you since you were three. Does she really believe you came from the past?"

Kurt shrugged, "It was a good story."

"It's from a movie." Burt said, "And I don't remember it ending that way."

Kurt rolled his eyes, "Clearly I couldn't have Noah and I go back to the past and live in the 1800's high society. Otherwise we wouldn't be here."

Burt nodded, then added, "It could've been that you and I were from the future and Puck is the one who slipped through time and we went back with him. It's the movie."

"My version does too." Kurt protested, "I kept the eras the same. And this way I don't have to tell Britt what the future is like."

Giving a small chuckle, Burt nodded, "Alright. Best you get to bed too. School tomorrow."

{{{|

Burt was surprised that when he came home there was a preteen girl in his living room with Kurt braiding her hair and Puck playing a game of what looked like Texas Hold Em with her. Kurt turned and gave Burt a smile, "This is Sarah - Noah's sister. She was feeling down today and so I'm giving her a make-over."

Burt nodded and gave her a smile, "Nice to meet you, I'm Kurt's dad."

"Hello." She said and Burt could see a resemblance between Puck and her. She turned on her brother then, "You were going to tell me Noah. So tell me."

"I don't think so kid." Puck delt the cards.

"Don't be so mean, Noah. You did promise her that if she had won that hand you'd tell her. Sorry to say that she had a full house, but," Kurt shrugged, letting the sentence hang.

Puck grumbled, "Fine. But I'm telling it." He shot a look at Kurt, telling him to keep his mouth shut.

Burt wondered what Puck was going to tell his sister so he took extra time at getting his shoes off.

"You wanna know how I ended up with Kurt as a boyfriend?" Sarah nodded, "See, I'm this like, plumber-guy? And Kurt here, being the princess that he is, gets himself kidnapped by this angry dude. I have to go save him so I fight off all sorts of evil stuff and I ended up saving the princess and yeah." He scratched the back of his head, "That's how it happened."

Kurt rolled his eyes, as Sarah scoffed, "That's how Mario got Princess Peach." She turned to Kurt, "You tell me."

Kurt smiled, "Alright. There was this girl who was getting married - a dear friend of Noah's and when he found this out he realized that he was in love with her. So he went to the wedding with hopes to ruin it and marry her."

"Was it Quinn?"

"No." Kurt answered, "Who she is doesn't matter because, clearly, he didn't actually get married to her." Sarah nodded and Kurt continued, "Anyway, Puck decided to bring someone along who could act like his date in order to make her jealous. Now I'm a good friend, and he was straight and I was, well, me, and he decided to take me as his date. When we were at the rehearsal dinner (Puck got asked to be a groomsman) they asked how we met - kinda like you asked, and I said that when I saw him I started singing a song."

"What song?" Sarah asked, leaning forward some, wanting to know the answer.

"_Say a Little Prayer For You_." Kurt smiled. "I wasn't very far into singing it when the whole table joined in." Sarah giggled at the idea, "In the end, Puck did not win the girl but at the reception I called him and lead him over to me. As I had hoped he'd realized through our time that he was stuck with me - in a good way." Kurt grinned, "And it worked. Noah ended up with his gay friend in a romantic sense."

Sarah nodded, "That is a good story."

Kurt beamed, "Why thank you."

"Sing the song for me?"

Burt left, shaking his head as Kurt started singing the first lines of _Say a Little Prayer For You._

{{{|

Burt had fallen asleep in his chair earlier, he was certain of that. It was dark now and the television had a very low volume. Not opening his eyes yet, Burt was surprised to hear Finn and Kurt's voices reach his ears. Apparently they were just talking to each other, and he found himself smiling as he heard them laugh quietly.

"Shh. Dad's asleep." Kurt's voice scolded.

"You can't tell a story where Artie had lost control of his wheelchair and ran into Figgins then claim he was practicing for the Lima Races and not have me laugh." Finn answered, "Especially if it continues to Mercedes running up and saying that had been his quickest time yet and he'd be able to beat any of those tricked out cars."

Kurt hummed an affirmative noise, "True. True."

"I gotta know." Finn started, "How did you and Puck end up together? Did he save you from a bully? Or hold a secret meeting in a dumpster?" He gasped, "Where all those dumpster dives just cover for secret dumpster sex times?"

Kurt snorted, "No. And that's-" he paused, "That's frightening and disgusting and horrifying. How did you come up with that?" Peaking through his eyelashes, Burt saw Finn shrug. Kurt shook his head. "Okay, so here's the story of how Noah and I became romantically inclined." And he launched into his tale.

"Noah had just broken up with Mercedes and you, being his best friend, pointed out that he clearly had a problem with commitment-"

"I did?" Finn sounded confused.

"Yes, Finn. You did. You said he clearly would find or make up a reason - no matter how small and break up with a person. This is about the time that Noah realized how fabulous I am and after a night of talking he found out that I used to live in Columbus."

"Really?" Finn asked and Burt almost snorted at the idea. Kurt had lived his whole life in Lima but this was clearly another one of his stories and Burt was curious (just as he had the previous times) to see where it was going.

"Sure." Kurt answered simply. "Not only did I used to live in Columbus but I used to date a guy who knew Russian martial arts and Puck found out that I yell at a guy named Phil in my sleep."

"I haven't heard you yell at someone in your sleep." Finn's voice sounded like he was frowning.

"That's because you're asleep." Burt would bet that Kurt had rolled his eyes.

"Oh, right." Finn's head bobbed up and down, clearly nodding.

"Anyway," Kurt let out a breath, "After this night of talking Noah woke up and I was already gone but apparently Mercedes was there and she warned him to be careful. Noah and I went one a few more dates and were soon close to something like love. Then," he paused for dramatic effect, "Noah saw a Weekly World News in the store that was talking about Mr. X." Finn gasped though he probably had no idea why he should. "Mr. X is a guy who would kill his lovers on what would be considered the honeymoon night. Three victims where known at this point. A guy learning Russian martial arts, a man from Columbus and a man named Phil."

"Oh my God." Finn's voice was mostly hollow but with a curl of curiosity. "You didn't, did you?"

Burt figured Kurt was rolling his eyes again, "Finish listening to the story, please." Kurt clicked his tongue as a scolding. "Noah thought what you were just thinking and went into his own investigation. More evidence pointed to me, the family of the victims recognizing my picture. But then someone confessed and Noah was able to understand what the evidence against me really was."

"What was it?"

"Not something that would hold up in court." Kurt scoffed, "For instance, my friend Phil? Isn't Phillip. Her name is Phyllis."

"Woah." Finn said. "So, did you forgive Puck for thinking you were a serial killer?"

"Clearly." Kurt replied getting up, "Otherwise we wouldn't be together today." He stretched slightly, "Good night Finn."

"G'night."

After Finn got up a few moments later, Burt sat up and followed suit, sleeping in a bed would be more comfortable than falling back to sleep in his chair.

{{{|

"So." Mildred asked, pushing her glasses up higher on her face, "I expect to meet your piece of young meat."

Kurt spluttered into his soda, "What?"

"Your father tells me you have a boy toy. I need to meet him right the fuck now." She said in a friendly tone, taking out her flask and having a drink, "Invite the young fillet over and we're have a good discussion about how to properly use a-"

"Mildred." Burt said, "Please refrain from talking like this."

She shrugged, "Whatever, Birdie." She then glanced back at her nephew, "So sext him and tell him to get his statuesque ass over here." Kurt did as he was told.

_ Noah, my Aunt Mildred is over and she is dying to meet you._

After a short time (long enough for Mildred to finish drinking whatever was in her flask) Kurt got a text back. _Sounds lik fun bb. B rite there._

When Puck showed up, Kurt whispered a quick warning before Mildred came around the corner. "Bambi, dear. You've caught the right fish. Damn, you're a nice bit of tail." She shot out a primal grin, "And what's your name?"

"Puck." He glanced at Kurt and mouthed the word _'Bambi?'_

"Well, Duckling. I'm Millie. Bambie's dearest aunt and Birdie's sister." She sat down and patted the seat next to her. "You've been taking care of my Bambi right?"

"Uh, I guess so." Puck answered slowly. "Bambi is Kurt right?"

"Yessum." Mildred answered, "He looks so much like a little deer doesn't he? When he was learning how to walk it was just like that movie. I just had to name him after that fine buck. You understand, don't you Duckling?"

Puck nodded slowly and shot a scared look at Kurt who shrugged. "It's nice to meet you, Millie."

"Now." She looked from one teenager to the other, "Birdie tells me that you two are sorta serious and I just have to know two things. First, who is the top-"

"Mildred!"

"Fine. Birdie is the room and won't want to hear this about his Bambi and Duckling." Mildred rolled her eyes, "Second thing I need to know, how did you both fall head over heels with one another and start with the kinky thing between you two?"

"You see," Kurt began his tale with gusto, "I was with another boy for a while. We were very serious. Me and Sam," Puck and Burt shared a look wondering where that name came from, neither knew a boy named Sam, "were on a cruise-"

"Ooh. Lovely." Mildred nodded, "I'm been on many of those. _I'm on a boat motherfucker, don't you ever forget_." She snapped her fingers and then waited for Kurt to continue.

"And we docked for a bit, doing repairs which Noah here was so kind to do. Even though I was a bit of a bitch to him. But I was on deck and was looking for one of my scarves when I slipped overboard and got amnesia." Mildred raised an eyebrow and Burt thought that this time Kurt might've gone too far with his story. "I was taken to the local hospital which was where Noah saw me. Now, having some unruly kids and big house he decided to get his revenge for me treating him like dirt and said I was his lover and I of course, believed him."

Mildred's eyebrows furrowed, "I've seen this movie. You pick Noah in the end even though he was using you because you were happier with him."

Kurt's eyes grew, "Aunt Mildred! Are you clairvoyant? Maybe you should have a meeting with our friend Rachel. She's a little bit psychic."

Mildred waved her hand and got up, "I need more booze."

That night, after Mildred had passed out and after Puck had left, Burt sat his son down on the sofa. "Well, Mildred meeting Puck didn't go over too bad."

"Nope." Kurt smiled, "She even gave him his own name."

"Means he's part of the family." Burt frowned, "Though she gave it to him right away."

Kurt shrugged, "Yes, but it's Aunt Mildred. She probably gives names to her waiters when she eats out."

Burt chuckled, "True." He sighed, "So, I thought that this latest story might've taken it too far."

"Amnesia?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah, I think that's what did it." Burt agreed. "Bit too soap opera and Hollywood for little ol' Lima. But I would like to know how Puck asked you out. Or how you asked him." He added the last bit quickly.

"You want to-" Kurt said slowly.

"Know how you and Puck got together." Burt finished, "Like everyone else does. And I'd like the truth this time."

Kurt sighed and sunk down his seat, "Okay. Fine. Not going to say you'll enjoy this story as much as the other though."

"The truth?" Burt wanted to clarify.

"The truth." Kurt seemed defeated, "Puck and I were alone after football practice and neither of us had changed or taken our showers and-"

"Wait." Burt held up his hands, "Is this a Locker Room Story?"

Kurt paused before answering, "Yes."

Burt nodded, "I need a beer." he got up and didn't sit back down for the rest of the story.

**A/N: List of the movies that Kurt stole the plots from, in order:**

**Dirty Dancing**

**She's All That**

**Kate & Leopold**

**(Mario)**

**My Best Friend's Wedding**

**So I Married an Axe Murderer**

**Overboard**


End file.
